The Happy Domestic

I do not like housework. I like to cook, bake, even iron clothes, when my house is clean & tidy, and above all QUIET. Which pretty much never happens. I still make an effort to cook and bake when I can muster the fortitude, because the payoff is so worth it! I do love food. But then, I do not like housework. And cooking and baking have the unfortunate side effect of creating more of it. Another blogger mentioned amongst her radical purging that she kept only enough dishes and utensils for one meal, and enough clothes for 7 days. Although I have considered such measures for clothes, it never occurred for me to do the same with dishes! I usually thank God I have so many dishes, so I can get through a whole day of meals (and then some, depending on the meals and who is home) without having to do dishes. But after sitting crusted with food from breakfast until late evening, cereal bowls get harder to clean. Forcing myself to use fewer dishes in a day - what a fantastic idea! I feel a...

I came across a great blog last week, on a side trip from I'm An Organizing Junkie , of a mom who describes herself as a slob on a journey of de-slobification. She talks about her difficulty maintaining (isn't that always the kicker) a clean home, and how her ability to see/solve/be-motivated-to-tackle small to medium size messes differs from what she calls "normal people". This strikes a chord with me, even though I have been doing fairly well with keeping my kitchen and dining room in order and nearly keeping up with the laundry recently. The fact is, my poor husband grew up with a normal mom whose house was always neat and clean, except perhaps for brief interludes in a particular room when her kids were playing indoors. Andrew naturally enjoys order, and notices when things are NOT in order. This is not to say that he always picks up after himself (after all, he was the only boy in a good Dutch family with four girls - he had many things done for him) but I mus...

Today I am in Belleville taking a course on therapeutic relationships and the effects of complex trauma. I find that no matter how much study, research, and real-life experience one is exposed to, there is always something more you can learn or improve upon. Sometimes when I am in the position of being taught by someone recognized as an authority, I find myself interposing my own values and philosophies and questioning a lot of what I am being taught. Do you? Is this a bad thing? I have heard quite a lot of people say that it is wrong or disrespectful to question authority, but I think I disagree. We should take hold of what anyone tells us (in person, in writing, or through whatever medium) and turn it over, examine it closely, critique it, take it apart and assimilate what is true and useful, then discard or store away the rest. In doing so, we take ownership of what we know and believe, and can better appropriate / apply it to our own circumstances. In this case I am learning a ...

Our family has grown so quickly over the last three and a half years that most days feel like a little corner of chaos. My three youngest children are in diapers, and my two oldest are excessively hormonal teenagers! We are in the midst of renovations to add space for another child, and my darling husband is trying hard to balance two different jobs with the demands of our family life. Yesterday, notwithstanding the usual chaos, I had my most enjoyable Mothers' Day yet. In the morning I had Cheerios and Earl Grey tea in bed, while I read my favourite blogs and enjoyed a half hour of quiet time. After church I had a lovely and relaxing visit with my mom-in-law and sisters-in-law while the children played outside, and later we enjoyed a walk around our quiet neighbourhood in beautiful sunshine before a quick leftover dinner and bed. After the children were asleep I laid down for a catnap and then played a game on the computer for a little while, and my husband brought me a McD'...

Anyone who has known me for a long time can tell you I'm FAR from perfect. I'm messy, disorganized, chaotic, spontaneously irrational, a procrastinator, and frequently just plain lazy. I yell when I'm angry, I am inconsistent, and my housekeeping skills are poor. I don't take time every day to enjoy my children. I binge on fatty, salty, and / or sugary foods when I'm stressed or depressed. I don't intentionally exercise. I speak before I think. I don't keep in touch with friends and family. I don't take enough care of myself. And, I'm not very humble. ;) As it happens, I also have a lot of great qualities, which I prefer to focus on. Sometimes though, every one of us sees (or reads / hears about) someone out there who succeeds in all the areas we fail. Maybe it's a blogger mom who is super organized with an orderly house and great time management skills. Maybe it's a friend who has the perfect marriage (whatever that means to you). Or maybe...

A blog I read recently about the misguided idealization of "Liberty" has coincided with some family issues going on in my life, and got me thinking about the American dream of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Sure, I am Canadian through and through, but let's face it, Canadian culture is greatly influenced by this ideal. Our own Charter of Rights & Freedoms essentially strives toward the same goal, at least in the ways the Charter is being interpreted in courtrooms across Canada today. The focus today is not as heavily on true equality as it is on the assurance of individual rights. This cultural idea that every individual has the fundamental right to do as they please and pursue their own happiness is so ingrained in our society that mere children are being molded into this image of individual entitlement. You see it in the 8 year old throwing a tantrum in WalMart because his mommy said "no" to a new toy... and too often she ends up giving in...

Well girls, here I am coming out of blogger semi-retirement after such a long lapse. My own family life has consumed so much of my energy these past months that I have had nothing left over to give to the blogosphere... until now. The issue of maternal health is a pressing one, both nationally (in Canada) and globally, and there is much posturing and politicizing on both ends of the spectrum. If you care about women, if you care about humanity, READ THIS. The recent discussion of the G8 agenda for child and maternal health has reopened (at least in Canada) the debate over abortion. I have friends both "pro-life" and "pro-choice", but I have yet to find one person who thinks that abortion is evil but should be permitted. Generally supporters and opposers of access to abortions fall into two categories: 1) those who think it's wrong (usually based on religious beliefs), and 2) those who think it's sometimes the right choice for a woman (based on ethical and ...

A friend of mine with whom I was sharing the burdens of housewifery and parenting this week made me realize how far I have departed from mainstream North American consumer culture. Shocked by the thought of me spending 2 - 4 hours a day cooking, and trying to help me alleviate some of my time-stress and work load, she suggested I buy more prepackaged meals and convenience foods. This suggestion appalled me, and suddenly made me realize how much I have changed in 5 years. It's not just the fact that nearly any prepackaged food from the grocery store costs four times as much (or more) to buy as to make from scratch; as I ardently protested over the phone, the true costs are much higher, and certainly not worth the savings in time. Consider the ingredients of even a "healthy" prepackaged meal. The list is longer than your fifth grade essays, and half the ingredients are unpronounceable without a graduate degree in chemistry. Then think about the interactions of all those...

Well folks, it's Christmas Day. Actually, night. And here I am in fine Christmas spirit, exorcising my humbugs on Blogger. I should be catching up on mountains of paperwork, which, actually, I have been doing to a certain extent already, but it's just so hard to concentrate on work with a belly full of treats, a house full of opened presents, and a brain full of notes to self (tinged with a smidgen of hormones). It may not be New Year's Eve yet, but I feel like summing up the year, or at least the month, in review. December has been... interesting. Other possible adjectives include strange, perplexing, frustrating, promising, sickly, busy, predictable, difficult, exciting, and full of change. I have a hard time keeping up with my own life. At least I'm not puking every day, which is more than can be said for the first few weeks of December. At best, my girlies are the highlight of my life, particularly when they're not driving me up the wall. And Thank You God for...

I have heard several couples declare they don't celebrate Valentine's Day. These are loving, well-adjusted couples who give a lot of attention to their relationship and their partners, every day of the year. Valentines Day, in comparison, seems like such a cheap, commercial version of the real thing, that they don't see the point in celebrating it. Sometimes that's how I feel about Christmas. One day 2000-ish years ago, Jesus Christ was born. He lived a remarkable life, and then he died. Three days later he rose again, and he has profoundly impacted the world and my life ever since. We celebrate him every day. We live life with him every day. So decorating a tree and buying presents for others and stuffing ourselves with treats seems so meaningless in comparison. And so much pointless effort. Then I think about how I saw Christmas as a kid. The lights, the tree, the mysterious packages, the delectable smells and tastes, all these gave me a sense of greater magic tha...

I have six kids. Seven if you count my husband. Are they all mine? Thankfully, no. But this kind of craziness explains in part why blogging has taken a backseat to real life in the past ...weeks? month? Anyhow. My girlies are turning 1 and 2 in a week and a bit, and I am going to be 28. For some reason I feel like I've been 28 forever and I should be turning 31 by now. We just found out that we have a foster child being placed in our home full time, and she is already staying with us. This is exciting, and so far things have been going well. All (3) of our girls are getting along great and enjoying each other's company. On Tuesday some friends of ours were able to get last minute flights to Alberta to pick up some belongings that have been missed for some time, so we are also looking after their three school-aged children. Despite my initial panic, life has continued on at a manageable but very busy pace. I love to be creative in the kitchen, but cooking for eight (me and h...

I went for a walk today with our girlies, savouring the breezy autumn air and the riotous falling leaves. The colours, if you take a moment to gaze at them, are overwhelming, supersaturated hues of gold and scarlet and tangerine with hints of lime, deep-dark purples and blackish greens tinged with crimson. Colour is everywhere. Soon the azure skies and ice cream scoop clouds will flee before wild, dark and stormy skies when the setting sun gilds the world under a heavy slate horizon. I love autumn. All the blustery, chaotic, colourful changefullness of the season tells me I'm alive, so very alive! Maybe that's why I don't mind a little messiness, chaos, unpredictability and drama in my world. Life is full of both glee and heartache, pleasure and pain, and I'll take them both together for better or worse... I'll take it all.

This past spring I blogged about my intent to set healthy habits , and to fit into my pre-preg pants. Now that it's autumn, I thought it was time for an update on my progress, goals, etc. Confession time. I have not been drinking 8 glasses of water a day. Some days I have forgotten to drink at all, and other days I have struggled to get in 4 or 5 glasses of water. This is partly because I have been drinking coffee, milk, and occasionally juice. From time to time I feel incredibly fatigued and headachy, and then I know I am dehydrated and immediately get some water. Sometimes being dehydrated has made me feel hungry, and I snack unnecessarily without thinking. I don't get 30 minutes a day of straight exercise, but I do get that at least 3 times a week. Carting children around helps. The good news is... I fit into my old pants! So it would seem that part of the problem was simply my abdomenal "muscles" (I can hardly use the word without sarcasm) still contracting af...

Today, finally, my house is clean, Clean, CLEAN! I am flabbergasted by the sheer productivity of my time this morning, that and the fact that the girlies slept for 3 whole hours, allowing me to get it all done. The usual stacks of dishes all got washed, pots and pans scrubbed and sparkling, counters made spotless, and even my sinks and faucets were scoured until they shone. Floors were vacuumed, baby clothes were sorted and put away! and laundry was gathered up from all over the house. Bathrooms were cleaned. Garbages were emptied, and beds were made. Windows were opened and rooms aired out. And this was all by lunchtime! My bedroom is unrecognizeable. This carpet... this dingy, stained, disgusting old carpet, that we meant to replace when we first moved in but never got the time or money together... is such an eyesore now. Now that you can really see it, I mean. But the rest of the bedroom looks pristine. It makes me want to paint the walls, like I intended to do over a year ago. A...

Last night we went out on a date to the Brighton Speedway. Now, I'm not normally into the whole stock car subculture, but this weekend we had a good friend racing and a few of us went out to cheer him on. The noise was, as I remembered from the one previous time I'd gone, painful and deafening. The air was a miasma of exhaust fumes, flying dust, and cigarette smoke. But the races were awesome . The skill of these drivers really hit me while watching these pure stock cars skidding and sliding through curves, then screaming and bumping their way down the straightaway. Serious skills are required. The sheer adrenaline that drives these races is contagious, and although at another time I would probably say it's just a bunch of dirty, smelly, polluting machines going in circles a gazillion times, up close I could not help being in awe and cheering at the top of my lungs for a favourite car. While I can't understand people wanting to poison their lungs, damage their eardrum...

It has been a good week. Sunday we took the kids to the Stirling quarry with some friends, and enjoyed some swimming and sunning on a gorgeous day. Monday we visited a veteran parent therapy home (for foster kids) and were impressed with what a rewarding opportunity we have, and how well suited to us. Yesterday I bowled badly (Tuesday night bowling league started the beginning of this month), but that was offset by a kind and anonymous giver who left a generous portion of veggies on our front porch - zucchini, squash, cabbage, potatoes... yum! The veggies came at a great time, because I had already gone grocery shopping but had not bought much produce this week. Now I'm baking zucchini bread - several loaves - to freeze for later. Then I'll make some Asian Cabbage Salad (a new family favourite!) and maybe some sauerkraut, and probably a delicious batch of curry for later in the week. Wow, what a blessing! We finally have a few relief days booked, meaning we will be getting...

Lately some conversations have brought me back to thinking about roles in marriage, and gender roles in general. A child development and crisis book I'm reading (from the early 90's) talks a lot about sexism issues and gender bias, but the more I read, the more I'm convinced they're missing the big picture. It seems that in our push to swing the pendulum away from the fiercely patriarchal and misogynistic culture of times past, feminists and other liberators have teetered over the brink of delusion toward uniformity. Let me illustrate this logical fallacy. We believe women are equally as valuable as men. Therefore we feel that women should have the same opportunities as men. Since we want to ensure women have the same opportunities as men, we insist that women are the same as men - and we skew job standards to gender, to support this assertion. So female candidates for a police officer position have one set of criteria they must fulfil, and male candidates have anothe...

Here we are in the final days (I hope!) of getting ready to open our home for foster care, and the list of things to be done seems interminable. Medicals are done, criminal checks are done, bedrooms are ready, but still there are the last couple of reference letters to collect, CO detectors to buy, small handyman jobs to finish, locked cabinet to pick up, and... first aid training to take! Just when I thought I had everything ready to go, I realized we don't have our CPR certification. I really didn't have any idea, going into this, how much it was going to cost all at once to get up and running. It certainly can be a deterrent for anyone looking at fostering as just "a job". For us, however, it has if anything given us an opportunity to reaffirm that this is something we feel is a real calling. Whatever it takes, we will make it through, because of our convictions. Being parents is an enormous privilege, whether of biological children or otherwise. It's worth i...

I've been thoroughly enjoying making curries lately, blending my own spice pastes and hot oil to release fragrant aromas throughout the house. In fact, I've been doing a lot of from-scratch cooking in the last while: baking bread, scones, brownies, creatively using pantry staples, and finding new ways to use clearance produce. In the midst of my foodie euphoria, however, I am having some trepidation. Right now our family has adventurous palates. My husband will eat anything I make, and usually love it. My toddler will eat almost anything (except for some reason she doesn't like meat much), and my teething baby will try to eat ANYTHING she can get her hands on. And me, I love food. If it's edible, I'll eat it. But soon we will have new mouths to feed, who will probably be unused to many of the foods and flavours that we enjoy. Take lamb for instance. I don't know a whole lot of people who like lamb. We love it! It has such a great, full-bodied flavour, and is nut...

Yesterday was what Anne Shirley would call a "Jonah Day" for me. It wasn't the large cup of coffee that my toddler dumped behind the couch at 8:00 AM, it wasn't the 29°C heat in my house, it wasn't the food that got thrown on the floor at every meal... but these things didn't help. Things really started going downhill when I went to get Boo up from her morning nap and found her diaperless, smearing poop all over the crib, her body, her face and hair. Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids, and I can even see the humour of the situation - when it's happening to someone else - but at this particular moment, I felt like I was losing it. This little girl got an earful and besides that was forced under the shower despite her aversion to getting her head wet. If it's the only way to get her clean, I'm sorry, but she will just have to cry! After she was clean, dressed, and hair done up pretty, I put her downstairs in the playpen and went back up to st...